From Projects to Parenthood: Supporting Parental Mental Health in the Built Environment sector

I became a mum earlier this year to a little girl – she’s absolutely wonderful, and we can’t remember what life was like without her. But the truth is, I’ve really struggled with becoming a parent – not that it didn’t come naturally, or that I wasn’t ready for it, or that it isn’t the best thing that’s ever happened to me; more that I didn’t know who I was for a while, and I was worried that I’d never be ‘me’ again.

I’m a fire engineer and before having my daughter, my life was pretty much devoted to work. I probably didn’t have a great work-life balance, but fire engineering was my passion, and I enjoyed doing my bit in making the built environment a safer place. After finishing work on a Friday afternoon in February, expecting a few weeks with my feet up, we were parents by Sunday morning and life was turned upside down.

Whilst being a parent is incredible, it’s an unbelievable gift, I felt a loss of identity that I hadn’t expected – I’d gone from being a ‘professional’ to ‘mum’ practically overnight. It’s absolute madness if you really think about it. Everything you were suddenly stops and you feel like you’re starting all over again, building yourself up from scratch. You know the saying ‘Like kids having kids’? That was us – sat looking at each other the night we’d brought her home, waiting for our parents to come and tell us what to do.

About two weeks after she was born, the visiting slowed down. Although in the midst of it, you can’t help but look forward to a bit of peace and normality, we really missed having people around. I think the shock of it all didn’t hit us until that point, particularly the loneliness and the realisation that this little human depended entirely on us. It was at this time that the post-partum depression hit, so it ended up being a difficult time.

Nobody really talks about men’s mental health in terms of parenthood. I know you’ll probably argue that I’m not exactly qualified to comment, but I’m going to anyway! Seeing my husband become a dad was one of the proudest moments of my life, but I also saw the toll it took on him. It’s true that women go through so much, both physically and mentally, but our partners don’t have it easy either. I know seeing me on an operating table with a huge incision has really affected him, even though it was to bring our incredible little girl safely into the world. I know when he left us in the hospital that night, going home without us, broke his heart. I know seeing me struggle physically for weeks and needing to be completely hands-on whilst I recovered was hard on him, and I know he also suffered whilst he saw me battle with my mental health.

Despite worrying about me, I knew he had his own battle going on. He too had just had a major life-change, and that life would never be the same. I know that he’s struggled with what normality looks like now, more than he’d care to admit – that plans with friends are fewer-and-farther between and that he can’t decide to play golf on a whim anymore.

My mental health problems started with bullying in school and for the last ten years, I’ve been through my fair share of struggles. Since becoming a mum though, I seem to have had a mental shift. That even though I was struggling, I wanted to do better and be better for my daughter. This is why in March of this year, a month after having my daughter, I self-referred for some help via the NHS. I realised that I had to act because my mental health was now about more than just me – my health was absolutely vital to ensuring that my daughter and my husband were okay too. After trying various methods of help and counselling over the years, I finally felt that I’d met the right person for me. Through this, I was able to return to work and find myself again – get back to things that I used to love, and most of all, find the new ‘me’.

Getting the right help at the right time was one of the best things I’ve ever done; the first step was realising and acknowledging that I needed help, and that it was a sign of strength not weakness that I was able to do that. I wanted to finally get proper support for me and my family.

It was during this time that the idea of The Boost Bubble was born – to provide support and encouragement around mental health, loneliness, and parenthood for when things got tough. The Boost Bubble has a WhatsApp group provides ‘on-tap’ support – 24 hours a day - from people all over the globe.

It really is okay to say, ‘I’m not okay’.

Website - https://theboostbubble.co.uk/

Link to WhatsApp Group Request Form - https://theboostbubble.co.uk/b...